what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
