somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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