Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
