Umm I'm too high to move.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
