It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
