We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
