I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is it because I queefed?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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