I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
