well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
