Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
