just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
