She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
