Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
im on a boat
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