he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
