i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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