meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
