Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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