I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
