Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
