That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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