Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Bring me that man meat
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
