I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
