My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize