I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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