He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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