with your own penis?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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