where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
