I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We are all done wearing pants today
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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