If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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