He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
