He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I intend to get homeless drunk
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
we should paint friendship bongs
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
