Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
