So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
