At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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