Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
