Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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