Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
