miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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