One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's shark week go big or go home
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
