one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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