Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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