I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The adults are the big ones right?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
