a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize