is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
