I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
