i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize