Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
