Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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