Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
