Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
