I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
