If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
