highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize