haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't deserve a penis
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
