he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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