I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize