I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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