i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
