I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
