all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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