I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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