Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
