Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
