Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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