It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
