Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
