The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Text me some of your sweat
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
