Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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