thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
