Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
