He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
