thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
