Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
