STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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