dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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