How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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