Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize