she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
