Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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