Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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