my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
