I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize