we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
