I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
