He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
