sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
