I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
