I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
