so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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