Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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