So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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