I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
