I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
True strength comes from lack of pants
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
