I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
