do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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