by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
