Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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