it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
