Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i would one night stand the shit outta him
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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